Tuesday, September 11, 2012

sharing food, memories and the company

Ages ago, I shared some pizzas from Zeffirellis with friends in Canberra. This post is not so much about the food itself, but the memories attached to the food/event. Basically, I don't think people are much without their memory - how would you know what tastes good, where to eat, who you like sharing food with if you didn't have any memory (or memory of trustworthy people to ask for advice)?

The anniversary of my best friend's death is in a few months. I usually don't use the titles 'best friend' or 'boyfriend' or whatever. So when I say this, I mean she was my closest friend for many many years - she'd be the first person who I'd tell things and ask for advice (a big indicator for females). Before she died, we made plans to travel to Melbourne and aspired to do student exchange in the UK/America. We talked quite often, even though we went to different schools.

I am thinking about what I want to do on her anniversary, as I am usually totally unproductive over the few days. I could stay in Canberra, play it simple, mope around all day and have lunch/dinner with friends. Or I could go to Sydney, visit her sites, her family and spend time with my family... comfort myself through food that is familiar to me. Or I could go to Melbourne - something that could be totally overwhelming and exciting.

I know there are people who quickly heal from deaths of loved ones - within weeks and months. However, she was my best friend for many reasons. We shared very similar and prominent struggles being Australian-Chinese, with school, friends and family. We shared many aspirations, dreams and interests - having creativity in our lives, travelling, nature/naturalness etc. After she died, I spiritually and practically couldn't do any of these things in the same way again. Only through speaking to lots and lots and lots of people have I been able to find new ways of doing these things... but this becomes tiring. So this has forced me to change a bit.

Similar to a skinny girl eating pizza with no one watching, my friend's anniversary is a day for me to just 'be'. The food will be crucial, as I associate good food with good company. This is something I'll need on her anniversary.

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