blah-ahla-lala

In a previous blog post, I talked about a person who I knew whose life constantly changed - the person liked to constantly relocate homes, schools, universities etc. In an simple world, I could easily romanticise this gypsy lifestyle. You get to see a lot of the world, experience many different cultures, have a range of interpersonal experiences. You are not dragged down by material belongings, meet a lot of different people and only experience that typical 'honeymoon' period of every new friendship/relationship.

I think I find this intriguing because I'm at a weird stage of my life... lots of people around me are looking for ways to 'settle down' or are on their way to it. For example, people I know are trying to better their career, saving for their first deposit for a home or paying off their first mortgage. They are also breaking up long term relationships because they don't want to commit to that person or dating for the sake of finding 'the one'. Thinking about many of these makes me want to vomit - and that's not only figurative!

So this is kinda how I feel:

(Characteristic of my refusal to follow the conventional stages of growing up) I'm not using this tongue-in-cheek, ironic cartoon to 'box' my position right now, but it does reflect some of it. I feel like I am stuck in a rut for many reasons. Not in a matter of priority, but work is draining and stressful. I'm not getting much satisfaction from it. I know many people generally don't like work, but that doesn't change how much work sucks. Having fun and understanding colleagues helps, but only barely. I'm earning all this money that piles into meaningless numbers in my bank account.

Earning allll this money could justify how much work sucks... but that's IF I had meaningful ways to spend my money. Apart from travelling, I don't find much value in things that can be purchased e.g. expensive clothes, magazines, alcohol, parties. People have suggested splurging on things I enjoy, such as food and art. I don't mind spending quite a bit of money on food, but there's little meaning behind it, rather than gratification of my senses. My favourite types of art are publicly accessible, not in a gallery and free - no money involved. People say I should put down a deposit - but i strongly disagree with this as I'm not in the mindset/stage where I want to lock myself to live in a certain city/country for even a year.

According to the trusty source urban dictionary, its common for people experiencing quarter life crises to question what the heck they are doing with their lives and regret what they are doing/have done. Strangely, I don't feel incomplete like this... I can cross that off 'the list'.

I'm not in a rut with my social life - will be broad and vague because it involves people who may read this. My girl friends in Sydney know me the best and I can relax the most around them. I'm far away from realistically thinking about marriage or children. All the social pressure and angst for 'settling down' is ridiculous and doesn't nudge me.

So I'm not sure what was the point of this blog entry. I could dissect every aspect of my life and see what range of things point to me feeling like I'm in a rut, but that would bore me AND you. However, by typing this, I've opened the door for me to raise other philosophical questions in this blog. I need to express and understand myself before I hit a hard wall.